Dam Dam Dum Raya...rayaa....

The past week has been quite a trip down memory lane for me. Between Hari raya Aidilfitri open houses and catching up with friends to celebrate my only niece upcoming 2nd birthday, i've been meeting up with people I've not seen and spoken to in quite sometimes..erk..minus the chatting part on BBM.

Yet, what really makes me happy is how we are still able to have conversations, share laugher and confide in each other as if the last time we met was just the day before. Like many people, i have made friends at different stages of my life.

The thing about me is that i usually have trouble moving on.Some of my friend's biggest memories of me from primary school had to be the last day of standard six when i was hugging my teacher and bawling my eyes out. Never mind, i was going to see many of these people in secondary school a couple of months later or that we would keep in touch but for me it was the end of era.

My feeling continued through many other stages of my life where during my secondary school i did attended various camps and workshops in my teenage years. It never got easier for me until I finished college and starts my career.

For me, Raya seems to be the same. I can feel that at this point of age, i'm 25 by the way....Raya doesn't seems enjoyful and exciting. There's no more feel of celebrating it with colorful new outfit..not that i used to. That very feelling seems to fade away with time. If i'm 15 perhaps i'll still enjoy my Raya that way. Not to say that very will go through this phase of life..maybe it happen to certain individual only. People say that, its about time we celenrate with our 'own family'...that what many of my friends said.

1st time ever, i didn't make my 'baju raya'. I did some recycle in my wardrobe and use what ever i can wear during Raya. But i got a pair of SEXY new shoe...couldn't get rid in buying new shoes...man..i'm just being a normal typical women here^_^ Lots of good things happen in the 1st week of Raya...and i'm so glad that i surrounded by such a great family and good friends. Guess what..i couldn't mention their names here cos its like i've a loooongggggg list of names..there a re good people indeed and i'm so thankful to God for making them be part of my life. Love*

I was all happy through out the 1st day of Raya till last Tuesday. I was a lil bit shocked when i received a text message from my sis saying that, Mama have to be admitted. Mama didn't feel quite good for couples of days but i tot is a normal fever. Till my sis brought her to Hospital and she need to be admitted immediately......Thank God the operation all done last nite. Alhamdulillah. And now i can see my face glow once again...... :) I'm so proud that i've been raise up in a wonderful family.....

Salam Lebaran..... :)

My Love....my Frosty:)

I’m a cat’s lover since i was a lil girl. My mom and dad doesn’t really fancy me adopt a cat nor play around with it. It is because i have a really bad sinus and too sensitive with cats. But which parent wouldn’t want to see her children upset because doesn’t didn’t get what she really wanted to. My last cat died cos got hit by a car. Ever since then, i never have any pet. Now with a comeback of Frosty, a white Persian + tabby cat i got it 3 days ago has open my heart to love this cute and beautiful creature once again. I wanted a cat as a gift on my birthday but it seems that no one knows my little wish.

The story began when i hang out with Amal and his band. Out of sudden, he pop up about cat for sales. His friends, Lela, who happen his senior in campus wants to sell his lil kitty to someone that can handle her cat well enuff. I said to Amal that i;m really looking for a cat rite now. So, Amal show me its pictures. Guess what, once i saw its picture..i fall in love with the kitty. He told me he llikes 3 month old. Awesome! Thats what i’m looking for. Really wanna have a kitty to train it nicely under my supervision. So, Amal brings me meet the owner, Lela. She seems like a nice cat’s lover. Very sweet in person and she can sense that i’m a responsible cat owner. Huhu..She held me the cat in my arms. OMG! Once she hand over the cat onto my hand...i carried away with an imagination..i feels like i’m holding my new baby! The cat is so WHITE and very furry! I look at Amal and i gave him a sign through my eyes..the car was really tame!! After a while,i hand it over to Amal..it seems that the cat notreally comfortable in Amal’s hand. Haha..The cat is only 3 months old. I felt she was too young to be away from her brood at that point, but Lela said it should be just fine.

Frosty is quite big for its age. I thought Lela must have been giving him loads of healthy food. He looked like a little puffball with stubby legs. You could hold him whole body in one hand. Yet, Frosty and I had and still have a bond of sorts. As I stated I'm not a cat person for quite sometimes, but Frosty always curled up on my shoulder when I sat on the couch and fell asleep. Unfortunately Frosty got a lil clingy a bit. I guess he just need sometimes to settle him self and get use to a new environment. He crawled under the couch cushions, under the pillows and mattress...anywhere soft and warm. And he couldn’t stay alone else he will meOoooWWWing really load.He really needs me to be there beside or near him all the time.Aww....

Ever since I got Frosty, he has always made it a point to develop myself to be more committed and responsible in taking care of him and be more sensitive on my surrounding, as if he put a meaning to this colourful life of mine

Confusion

I hate to say that i'm crying all alone in my room....

its been quite awhile i didn't cry like a lil kid...

my tears will come out when something/someone touched about family....

my world is my family....

how difficult my life would be without my family around..Gosh! i couldn't imagine it...

Somehow i feel like i'm too dependable on them..till my mom started to talked to me...

She looks really worried...who's gonna look after me if she's not around anymore...

Who's gonna take care of me? knowing that i'm lil bit hard to handle in some ways....

would someone make me happy as i am now...

And i started to cry....... i ran to my room...and tonite i'll be sleeping with tears pouring down...

Mama, sorry if i put u in such a hard time...

I realized now, i've to stand on my two feet and deal we everything as an individual...

Sorry for not introduce u to my last special boyfriend..u know him after i declared 'i'm no longer with him no more'...

I know how much u love to see me happy being with him...but the truth is.. i faked it..

Pretend everything is cool between us but actually it wasn't...

If mama would possibly understand what i'm going through, for sure i can see tears on ya sweet face...

But...i just dont like to see u cry nor to make u cry especially about me...

Trust me mama...i know how to lead my way..InsyAllah.... :(

Pic of the Day (from Britney's concert on 6/11 in London) on Twitpic

Pic of the Day (from Britney's concert on 6/11 in London) on Twitpic

my secret love note...

It is very important for me to express to you how much you really mean to me. I wish I could do this in person while holding you in my arms and gazing into your eyes. But since we are physically separated by miles of emptiness and the feeling still hanging somewhere in the airs, how i wish this expression could be sincere said in the form of letters such as this.


I know it is difficult for you, as it is for me, to be separated for so long. Life seems to be full of trials of this type which test our inner strength, and more importantly, our devotion and love for one another. After all, it is said that "True Love" is boundless and immeasurable and overcomes all forms of adversity. In truth, if it is genuine, it will grow stronger with each assault upon its existence.

Our love has been assaulted many times, and I am convinced that it is true because the longer I am away from you, the greater is my yearning to be with you again. You are my Charming Prince, and I am your devoted Princess. I cherish any thought of you, prize any memory of you that rises from the depths of my mind, and live for the day when our physical separation will no longer be.

If there is still hope and moment to be arrives, I wish u would receive across the miles, my tender love, my warm embrace, and my most passionate kiss. I just love you because I do. I can't change it. Its not my choice. I wish I didn't, but that's how love is. I can't say a word about you. I have to forget about you. I wish you didn't make it so difficult for both.

There are many things I need tell you, but I can't find the way. I can't find you. Your way of looking life is different from mine. I can't change it. Its not my choice. I wish I didn't love you. I can't forget about you. I just wish it could all work out like it once happened.

<3 <3 <3

Terakwih Tears.....

Alhamdulillah Ramadan comes again....it is the most holy month of year for Islam. Time for us, muslim to show their love to Allah through personal sacrifice and self discipline. I feel even blssed and grateful in celebrating this ramadan. I know something is holding me, but i believes is the time i should focus in devoding myself towards Allah. I wanna feel peace and fix all the remedies that happen to be in me. I know Ramadhan is the perfect time..i can feel the different than other days...

I was so excited to go for my 1st terakwih. I know that mama ususally will go with me. But this time around not even mama, guess what, my sister in law alson now walked together to the mosque stated behing our house. There we go one big happy family. To my surprise, everyone in my family somehow i can feel are so earger in welcoming this Ramadan. We actually have chemistry running round amongst us. Guess what? The whole family actually went for 'solat terakwih'..for instants it was wayyy tooooo loooong for my sister to actually go to mosque for solat terakwih. She always do that at home by herself. Only me and mom used to went to the mosque together.

As i stand besides my mom, there was a lady besides my mom who happen to be my mom's friend. I heard their conversation while i'm quitely sat down besides my mom watching the whole evironment. My mom's friend asked with whom does my mom came with? and my mom answered proudly with 'my daughter' as she pointed her finger to me. I straight away smile nad shake hands with that aunty. Then i heard she said something like this...

' Alhamdulillah...you actually came and brought along your daugther.How grateful you are..Your daughter seems sincere to follow you.' and then she smile at me..........geee...smilling*

As i'm smiling the tears in my eyes started to poured out. But i'm kind of hide it. I just dont like my mom sees me cying like a lil kid anymore. I believes that my mom knows that i'm strong enuff to stand on my own now. Crying for me is just another sign to show that we are weak...that is why i'll try not to cry in front of people ...So that we were praying solat terakwih together. As i was doing my praying my heart feels like i'm facing such a peaceful moment..and suddenly there was a drop of tears pouring slowly on my cheek. As i was reading the mother of all Surah, i can see the images of a person that i truely missed all this while...the person that i always look up for..the love that i always wanted..its the images of my late dad :( while at that time i was standing besides a women that are strong enuff to take his place and brought up such a wonder family in her own hands...she in my mom!! T_T God, there are nothing much i could ask...i still and always pray seeking for Your Bless in giving my mom a good health and happiness... If she's happy i'm more than happier......Through out terakwih i cried....cry cos of how thankful i am and blessed for what Allah created for me...I have such a wonderful mom indeed........

Selamat Menyambut Ramadan..and have a pleasant one this very year to me, family and friends ^_^ InsyAllah....

Jiwa kosong (empty soul)

Where should I begin? I've been looking for what I want in life till I figure out myself that I isn't very sure? Generally I want a happy life..but what leads to a happy life and what do have beyond it? I almost give up in finding the answer because the more I search for the answers the more I'll get confused and end up trapped in within all circumstances! To think back about my family, I'm so lucky to raise up in such a wonderful family...I'm so close to each and everyone of them. Its just that somehow...I mean lately life get lil rough and empty and certain point where I tend to feel there's a big empty hole in mylife. All of my family members, everyone have their own life to concentrate with...even me has my own freaking life. We all tend to loose the sense of closeness and attached in ourselves:( I don't blame anybody for what going on maybe its just me who I think as I grow up I become more sensitive in a sense of love,care and value of family & relationship.

Career wise I can say I'm so proud of myself to survive on my own in this so called cruel world. Everyday I'll make sure there's productivity in me...and I can see in a long run there's fortune waiting for me. If I can sustain what I'm doing rite now insyAllah it will shorten the route of my success and to a greater life that I've been dream of. I believes it will be easy if we isn't work by our own...isn't it? But well...what I've planned somehow doesn't seems to happen:( still I strongly get up and make every single things possible for me...even thou deep inside me always crashed n cry! T_T...only God knows what I'd been through. I always make myself think wisely and make sure I never ever complain what come across me. I might get this kind of life but maybe other even worst. So, I always appreciate what ever things that God had created for me. He loves me and that's why He send all the obstacles into mylife so I'll become more stronger and get the meaning of true human being.



What i want to express here is that i can earn lots of money by working on something that i'm good at and lives happily. We can search for money as much as we want and spent it like the whole world been made for us to enjoy the wealthiness! Travel with friends is a must for me as i love to discover different part of the world. I've been circle with a bunch of friends who is smart, generous, caring and adventurous. All of my qualities happen to be in my friends and that is why we all are really click and attached to each other in some ways. But something trigger me.......



what if.. its time for they to settle down?

am i gonna leave my life alone knowing that all this while i'm depending on family n friends?




Now let me stop all uncertainty that runs in my mind. Focus what my life is all about...knowing that there's no one yet to be specifically in my lonely heart. I've tried to serve and hold on to the love that been in me for quite sometimes but in the end I just realized that how much I believes there are love between me and the guy it just there and then...Unfortunately i always met a FULLSTOP. Aren't relationship not supposed to supposed to meet fullstop??i wonder*How much I cried I won't be able to get him back to me. For that I accept what kind of path God created for me..even thou its sickening but I always look at the bright side even its clear enuff said that there aren't any lights for me to be in a long relationship with someone! As for now...I sadly pronounce that I'm officially has an empty soul..... Success without 'LOVE' in our heart feel like we lives in a lonely world......