Wednesday, June 23, 2010

The secret keeper

One day I look into the mirror and told myself that I regretted something I had done. To think back, I looked up from what I was doing and said, "You should only regret those things in life that you don't do." That stopped me in my tracks. I pondered it for a minute while I stared at my chicky face, and finally said, "You know? You're right."

That little lesson has stuck with me ever since, and 5 years later I can remember almost everything about the what i said and make myself to stand positively in every situation: where I was, what I was doing, and the way this simple statement hit me. It was like a revelation, and something I've tried to live by. Every time I talk to older people, they speak of regretting not doing things. Very seldom does somebody say, "I regret doing this." But all too often they say, "I regret not doing that."

The more interesting thing is why people end up in a position where they look back and say, "I wish had..." The most common reason is fear: fear of taking a risk and failing, fear of being seen as odd, even fear of success, oddly enough, because we don't know what we'd do if our plans succeed. Those and most other common fears can be summed up in one, fear of expanding one's comfort zone.

People build comfort zones out of necessity. We are, after all, creatures of habit. We create routines, schedules, quirky ways of doing things, frames of reference through which we filter information, and little rituals that help us operate on a day to day basis. Without those things our comfort zones, we would be overwhelmed by everyday activities.

Even within our comfort zones, there are things that are distinctly uncomfortable, and that we avoid if at all possible. The more we avoid those uncomfortable things, the more uncomfortable they become. Something that you may have found mildly offensive early in your life can become very frightening later in life if you spend years avoiding it. Your comfort zone shrinks, and continues to shrink as you avoid more things. The shrunken comfort zone is why so many people remain where they are, even when given the opportunity to move on to something better. Their fear of the unknown overrides their desire for a better situation.

I am very comfortable trying anything new physically, and I love learning new things. I'm game to try my hand at anything to deal with emotion desire and technical expression. I'm not especially good, but I can muddle through and learn a bit in the process. Give me a physical or mental challenge and I'm quite happy to attack it. I can say I was raise up to become more and more competitive.

But I have my blind spots, too. I have a distaste for paperwork and bureaucratic routine that borders on the pathological. I'm perfectly willing to pay money a lot of money to have somebody else deal with those things. And my fear of emotional conflict quite likely is pathological. I have avoided conflict for decades. Today, even the thought of emotional conflict stirs up the "fight or flight" response in me like you wouldn't believe. The lengths to which I'll go in order to avoid conflict are astounding. When it comes to conflict, my comfort zone is very, very small. I've been working on that since I noticed a few years ago just how bad it had become, but I have a long, long way to go.

The sad thing is that I've known all of this about comfort zones for at least half my life. I've even noticed and commented to friends over the past few years that I've found it hard to face certain challenges. Things that I would have had no problem with even few years ago. And yet I've let my comfort zones shrink to the point that I spent few months avoiding some opportunities that were pounding on my door. I don't know why, exactly. Fear of failure? I had nothing to lose. Fear of success? Perhaps. Fear of the unknown of giving up my unclearly dissatisfying life and risking everything for the chance to be happy beyond all expectation? As much as I hate to admit it, that just might be the reason.

Whatever the cause, I'm going to regret not making the most of the opportunities that I've had in the last six months. But I won't stay on the regret or on the lost opportunities. For all the things I've done wrong recently, I've managed somehow to come out feeling better about myself and my better future than I would have thought possible. I will undoubtedly look back and wish for what might have been, but my focus is now forward, on what I can make happen!

All my secrets, dreams and virtue remain lock inside me,myself and I....

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Happy Abah's Day

When I was a child and you were just the guy who periodically spent time with my mom, I always remember the time we spent our Raya Festive at mamas home town where we playing and watching the fireworks together, and hanging out. That was such a fun day that I have thought about it every year. Time past by really fast the next thing I knew were you always fallen sick yet still eager to work and always stay with your cheerful faces at all time. Telling jokes and teasing me and others while waiting for mama in the car...Mama always make us wait in the car while she keep on talking as if she cant stop chit chatting with our relatives even when we were about to leaves their crib. How typical a woman can be but my Dad always stayed calm and cool with it. He even created some jokes that makes us feel proud having her as our mom! He don’t want us find waiting is something sickening in fact he twist it to another angle whereby he told us a good fairy tales stories that have values in it.

I remember when, Abg ayul, faizal, adik and I watched Bujang Lapok with Abah, and Abah actually remembered every single sentences of the movie scripts and Abah did sang along while the movie played. And there we were so called angry with Abah cos what we want to hear was the actors not our talented father. That was so funny and we all made fun of Abah, but Abah were a sport and didn't get mad.

I always took for granted that Abah would be there, you and Mom to see me growing up turn to be a fine lady that Abah surely proud of.
And now that Abah are gone from us things will never be the same.
I wonder if Abah ever knew how much you would be missed.
I wonder if Abah ever realized how much you meant to all of us.
You were such a great guy and I will always remember you.
I will always tell people that even though you never got a joke, you made me laugh.
I will always tell people that even through all the hard times we went through you were always there and never abandoned us.
And I will always tell people you were my GREAT Dad, and that a child couldn't ask for a better one.
I love yo, Abah and I always will, I will never forget you and the way you touched my life.
And I will take you with me where ever I go.
The best part is, I'm so glad that I had your funny and bubbly character in myself that everyone tend to be easily connected to me:)

Happy Father’s Day, my dear ABAH!

With love and respect,
Your Puteri Bongsu, Linda

* how i wish to celebrate this father's day with you..... T_T God knows what it feels to be left with so much lack of a father's love....Gosh! stop crying....T_T

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Moment of truth of 2 lovey dovey couple..Faizal&Ailanee

What is a brother's place in a family? To a younger brother or sister, he may be a guide to help traverse the complicated path of growing up. To an older brother, a little brother may be seen as a tag along and pain in the neck. As much as siblings squabble when they are young, this is not a sign that they do not love each other. Most siblings would lay down their life for each other. As children grow up they usually find it easier to get along and relate to each other in rewarding ways.

Today is my brother's wedding day. This very day i will remember through out my life. He's the 1st brother and a 1st son to get married. I'm so glad that he proved himself as a wise and responsible man to me and the family. He might be small in size but knowing him personally he's much more bigger and wiser. I always look up on him and envy him in every bit of my life. Now, he been pronounce as a husband to his beloveed wife, Nur Ailanee who been sharing their lives together since their Uni days. They both are some sort like a Uni sweetheart...falling in love and went through their hard and fun study life. And at last, God brings Ailanee together into our happy family. Of course i am glad and happy but deep inside me i'm kind of sad in letting go my brother to someone else. Even my mom cried during his wedding. I heard she mentioned to my brother to take care of him and his family for the days to come. He is now a leader and my mom believes that he has the gut to managed his own family. After all, he's matured enuff to carry out such a HUGE responsibility.

The receptions at both, Ailanee and our home went pretty well. All relatives who came all the way from Johor, Singapore and Terengganu are so supportive to make this occasions such a wonderfull ones. I'm feeling so gratefull to see all the faces that rarely i met. Somehow in my happiness, I'm feeling lil bit ackward when i see his wife downstairs wearing her panjamas. Well, she usually hang out at my place back when she was my brother's gf...but now she actually his WIFE. oh! how time pass really brother always lying down at living room watching tv alone and there comes me who always start to chit chat about work stuffs..telling him my funny stories and sharing thought about some issues but now most probably there wouldn't be time for me to interupt him and his wife i guess... People meet someone and starting their life together so they tend to concentrate with their responsibility and spend most of their time doing things with their partner. There's only lil time left for unimportant stuffs such as chit chatting and sharing some funny stories...;( oh well...thats now aboout it....the main thing is I'm so GLAD THAT HE HAD FOUND SOMEONE THAT REALLY MADLY IN LOVE WITH HIM...=)

For that brother, wishing u nothing but the best through out ya marriage life together. CONGRATS!!!!!! Love u, both;)

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

This is Linda

I just realized that its half a year already. What did i do through the passed 6 months? Did i achieve my half year goal?things that i want?How bout my personal there any changes?Seriously i dont even knowhow to answer it. To think back, i guess i had made myself to a stage where i think i should be proud of. In terms of career, it been so good so usual i appreciate every moment of my life with blessed from family and friends. I can see the graph of my career growth is always on the move to the positive side. Alhamdulillah..maybe there are slightly ups and downs along the way..but thats a normal thing. The time we drop is what we call challenge and if we get through it and get back on the track thats what we call success. I'm looking forward for better opportunity for myself..which consider seeking for more side job opportunity. As for now, i'm happily working in a well known organization(Media)..and as for my part time..i did lots of me..i'm the one who always with plans and VEry verY hyper active. I do photography stuffs, fashion style and even dance coaching! Fuh! how could i possibly divide my time? wel..i just manage and make myself occupied at ALL TIME! Me = WORK,WORK,WORK! sounds stressfull..but i enjoyed it!

For that conclude y i'm STILL SINGLE! opppsss......Yes i am...even though how bz am i..i know how to cater my time for my love ones, myself and family. I'm good at it...its just that sometimes i find it its a lil bit too hard for me to please every single people. To make it simple, i make a vow to myself that I'm gonna take the next relationship seriously(if happen i meet someone). Not to say that my previous relationship i take it for granted...i think is bout time to think in a depth way......all my friends around me is getting by one i can say is either happily in relationship or well married! What am i doing here.....just turn officially single and now started to go back where is for a new people....starts to know them..yada..yada...gosh! couldn't face it anymore,thou...probably i'll go for friends..thats my last resort! (couldn't believes it that i sounded so desperate!) hahaha....Whatever!