Monday, December 28, 2009

Sharing thoughts..

How do we actually knows that we fall in love?? Is there any sign? This is what i'm facing right now. hmmm....its been a while i didn't get this kind of feeling in me. Not that i know since my last break up. The dating game started 2 months back..think i'm reading to be on the market back! sounds kinda funny..guess what..thats what single girls do. But i play it really safe this time. I wouldn't want to date some kiddos/ what i'm looking for is the REAL MAN..GENTLEMAN!! fuhhh....i think i'm ready to be committed once again. The QUESTION is..HOW DO I GET INVOLVE WITH LOVE AGAIN?? all this while..i can say come and go in my freaking life. It wouldn't stay long like i always wish for. I think is time for me to take it really slow..really really slow. I believes after all i've been through there's no need to rush in relationship. Being in love its a journey that we should feel amazing and appreciate the moments being together. haa......FINALLY..i speak in such a lovely words...gosh! i think i fall in love.....(better not to think it so serious..cos the other person just being relax and steady bout whats goin on)LoL!

ok..back to my Question love need a sign from both party? what kind of signs? I always the one not GOOD at reading sign when it comes about feelings.hehe.. i can be super BLUR actually. for me love always happen in the center of my realiazation. This i answer that very question if to think that i'm fallin for someone....

When i fall in love with another person, i tend to get happier than i always do and lighthearted. I'm excited about life, and have this burning desire in me to be with that very someone as often as possible..this include always want to talk on the phone with him in every seconds of my life.(i know it sounds so cliche). the fact that i wanna be close with him and laugh with him as well...if happen we are really click together and there are lots of stories to tell and things to argue about..knowing always have arguement between me and my partner where i found it really an interesting thing to happen in relationship. well atleast it will spice up our day.heee. And of course i did that in purpose just to make that someone make him whenever he thinks of me it will creat a smile even in his Of course when he's happy thats the moment of BLESSED to me...its goona make my life even HAPPIER and blissful. As time goes on , if it is a true love( i always wish for it everytime)..i want to spend and share my life with that very someone as much as i can give.

So, do u think i'm fallin in love right now...?? I should ask myself then. This guy is somewhere in my heart that i just donno whether its real or not....confussion is part of fallin in love i guess.haha...will c whats gonna happen next. To be continue.....:)

Sunday, December 27, 2009

I'm in utter Bliss

yaw people!! I'm in completely Bless with all the people around me=) Firstly, aku mmg lah tersgt happy ok cos my mom just got back from Mekkah! she completed her Hj. Alhamdulillah....I god knows how muchhh i missed her since she left us all for about 1 month plus. To look back for the past 1 month, we, the 5 siblings, went through it really smoothly. Cos i believes we are really independent! and bviously my mom x der la risau sgt kat sana.. sbb dia tau anak2 dia smua cam WORKCAHOLICS. Bz sbb keja ok la tu kan..;) So, yesterday my mom safely landed. Me, my sis and hubby grak gi airport at 1 in da morning! oh ya.. Faizal and his si manis intan payong pon ikut gak...nama pon dorank dah nak kawin kan next year. 1st menantu pompuan mak aku sorank ni mmg la tersgt disayangi...sometimes aku rasa cam dia anak btul mak aku kot. What to mom seems so nice to everyone...and she always open some rooms to her heart for the one needed. Sebenarnya...before fecth my mom kat airport i went out to see live bands. sampai kul 1am..pas tu trus grak gi airport. Kantoi plak ngan mak aku kul 1 pagi still ader make up kat muka kan....well mama, actually i make myself presentable just to welcome u back=) heeee....

Yesterday was a FUN day for mee!!!! wa grak gi ROTW 9 kat bukit jalil sbb nak tgk my lovely girlfwen Ainul Aishah!! Minah sorank ni la satu2 nyer kwn aku yg sememangnyer di lahirkan tuk berkwn ngan aku ..sbb seriously she's one crazy girl! cos of that i love heer. nak jd kan cite plak...Ain bwk ROCKSTAR berambut purple... si Iznie!! mula nyer kennal Iznie ni thro ain je...pernah la chat ngan dia kat YM..and happen that we comment on FB! friendship with iznie started in FB the aiin bwk dia watched my performance that day! so...kenla la in real world minah ni! serious...we end up with a PERFECT 3!! serious bley thn gak la gile2 dia ni..sesuai sgt and obviously we speak the same language..senang la nak handle. we are rocking @ ROTW 9!!! memang best...tersgt la best...kat sana wa jumpe gak Ex wa...sape lagi klo bkn DJ SHAC ADELLIC tu! since broke serious x pernah jumpe..about 6 7 months gak la..but we always update ourselves throu SMS/FB/email...smua bend la klo bley...he's like my close fwen but rasa cam pelik la plak if nak bgtau and update smua kan..sbb ntah la..he just there and there...thats it! and of course deep inside i always missed him..god knows how much i did...;( eceh! nak sedey plak...but after all....dgn cara x sengaja..jeng jeng jeng....terserempak la plak ngan dia kat VIP TENT!!! and i didn't even mention to him that i'll be going to ROTW!haha....seriously klo dpt captured muke dia time tu.........mmg bley menang picture terbaik la!!! he was so shocked ..(^$^%&^#@!##!! cam nampak antu la plak kan...i as wondering ape aku x pakai bj ke sampai dia buat muke cam tu? hahahhaa. rupe nyer dia x sangka i attended that event! like duhhhh.....told him cos ainul is performing kot...and there goes lil chat with him...seriously..kind of weird la the feelings i went thro..i missed all words yg nak ckp ngan dia....hmmmm... Rindu sgt ni! ^_^ he always be da same shac i used to know...Slimmmm je..hahaha=) and there he intto me once again ngan Nazri boss ERA! He knew me with shac last time..but i guess he also knew that its over between us=) and then...i lost him...

ok! next tgk ain nyer performance!! perhh....dia punya excited naik Stage ok! tp cam tersipu2 malu..nyampah aku! haha. yg si iznie tetiba plak terasa nak mkn me and iznie gi la burger ramli dia to think that ain will perform another 15mins. ni smua kerna ally bg info salah!damn it! tengah2 tunggu burger...announce that ain will be performing..sebaik kedai burget tu x jauh mana arr.....aku rampas camera dr iznie ngan payong,neg ain and iznie smua la aku pegang lari ke depan stage....'coming thro' , coming thro, coming thro!!! hahhaha.....akhir nyer settle down rite infront! izni still tunggu burger dia....after few mins starts..iznie br muncul sebelah aku blk! hahhaa..klakar weii....but seriously sgt suke that moment! ain as really good on stage! i proud of her...she has a very nice voice that can melt everyone.......cuma sound system kat situ x der la bagus mana..ain nyer suara pon x dgr sgt..ain perform only 1 song butit was SUPERB!! satu je la x best...sbb UJAN!!! abis lari2 smua baju basah2....38% wet ok!tu pon sbb we all berjaya curi payong sape ntah..haha.

then we all lari to INDIE STAGE! cos promised aliff that i'LL watch his band perform! dah la hengat sama time ngan ain..sebaik dorank nyer delayed skit! wheee.... i'm so IMPRESSED ok tgk CCH PERFORM! their CROWD nowdays getting bigger and bigger!! They stared a year ago and now they all making it BIG!! sonok nyerr tgk dorank..i envy the efforts and the fun they all put 2gether in making CCH a big thing now in Indie scenes....way to go boys!!!i used to be with aliff back in Uni those days....and i even took CCH photos b4 they all famous and go for music scenes. They all really looks good on that freaking STAGE!!! the crowd went really wild that make us 3 blah dr tengah2 bwh stage tu...ader x pasal we all girls kena blasah kang...hehehe. so..i met Aliff after show..have a lil chit chat updating bout each others and i told him that they really ROCKS MY WORLD!! haha...

wa blah awal sbb................think i better save the stories for myself...not ready to tell here in my blog..cos its gonna be a big long thing to tell now....and i wanna peeeeeee rite now...gosh!!

Thursday, December 17, 2009

I'm feeling so ALIVE!!

Alhamdulillah...everythings over in a way that i wanted to. I just got back from CAREFREE QUEEN competition held in Crown Plaza Hotel,KL. Somehow i look back what i had been through is so colorful. Me myself feels with so much love surround me and i'm so blessed. I really am. Its all started when i actually wanted to send my own personal Video for a competition. I knew that the video gonna be a big hit! and i can say...IT IS!! For this i just wanna thanks to my groupies who had turn out tonite to celebrate the enjoying awards nite with me. We deserved the appreciation..the good feedback and of course the amazing impression own our art works!! and i'm so thankful that we are in one group..after all what we went through last time last berbaloi gak!! hehehe...deeep inside my heart i know that this video will go somewhere...and BOOMMM!! there u go...we WON!!! damn girl....i felt really like superstar..with all flash lights on me..NON STOP! makes me feel great and enjoy every moment of the flash and spot lights! its all about glamarous...and hell yeah..not that easy being a superstar i guess...reporters keep runnin to us non stop..questioning and taking photos. I need to make my self in the centre of my own control so i wont slipped any harsh or sensetive words that might make certain party unconfartable with. I'm glad everything runs pretty awesome to me..did it very casually as i always did:)

There are so many congrats wishes to me that nite and all i gave back was THANK YOU SO MUCH and a smile to all that had supported me all this while...felt that i'm winning an oscar or something..but some sort like that kind of feeling,thou.haha. The most memorable wishes came from my lovely sista saying....

ur the Queen of my heart...4eva! U deserve to win and u won! Proud of u. Later we go celebrate with family. Take care and safe drive back home.

So...a drop of tears felt touches my heart. I'm so blessed to have such a caring and lovely sista like her. She came down just to watched and honour my day. Well, to be frank with u sis, i dont even bother to win that nite...what i look for was just a getting together with fwens and family..i wanna know are all that i always rely on are truly the one who always support me from behind and be there for me no matter what....and obviously u guys did proved it rite. THANK YOU..MUCH THANK YOU. Well..its a long way to go...and much more to learn in life. Cross my finger wishing nothing but the best for me, family and friends to success.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Black and WHITE photo contest!!

Hey you all...A blogger fwen of mine just create a photo contest! so...i'm sO positively wanna Join..suka-suki je. Support her contest as i always have a heart for photography;) if u wanna know more bout the contest just click on this LINK

This is my personal portret in Black and White:) oh yead..the meaning is deep only my self and the one who can see the inner shadow of me knows what i'm trying to tell in this photo of mine. A smile that tells a clueless massage.....

Friday, December 11, 2009

Finally i have my own time. Long back then..for couples of week i've been dreaming to have my own personal weekend. Say NO to DATING! pause that trendy dating in my life for a while.. its time to focus on what i want. Probably a lil room for my self and friends would help. So, today..i'm proadly announce that i'm at home. lying on my bed i think for abhout half a day..well..might sounds boring to all but trust me..I'm loving it!! so much in fact. Lying and watching some good movies are something i usually do in spending my own time. My phone been off and there you go...feeling great the whole day. Till i open my phone back...and there goes lots off messages...Oh nO! but well..thats life..people get connected!

Last week i pampered my self with a SPA treatment then going outing with fwens to Berjaya Hills (we wanted to go to Frasser hill but turn to berjaya hills I did my SPA at Sembunyi Spa, Cyberjaya together with Wani. Never had a good company like what i got with that girl. Lots of girl talks been done and yeah of course there a il bit touching stories as well. Personal and stuffs. Its totally a good SPA package with a good company. After Spa..i wend to for an outing with my CLOSE FWEN..Ai,Azry,Reena and Arip. 2 girls and 3 guys...:) and yes there's one more room for a girl where i supposed it belongs to our dearest DURA. damN! we missed u we can say....Aijust got his NEW BRAND SLR CAMERA..and so he officially out from CANON gank with me. He change to NIKKON to join Azry. They both was really eager to go outing taking photography. So here came in da picture to give them a hand on photography skills and anything that i've learn about it. With and open arms..i LOVE too=) As i look at both of them, i can see they were so excited to discover the photography world. It create a sweet touching moments in my heart. I used to have that eagerness in meself. Feeling great taking photos of beautiful nature and creatures. Its a moment of satisfaction. I did taught them something i learned in my past in handling cameras and models. Guess and reena are their model;) hehee....i couldn't deny it, i just love working in front of camera as much as i did behind the camera=) I even gave Ai a chance to explore modelling photography as wani wanted me to be her photographer for her and her sis's boutique. But i end up to be their model instead..and i direct Ai to be the photographer:) absolutely a Fantastic photos,thou!

And Yesterday...we went for outing as well...ok..let me rewind lil bit back..i went out for a movie to watch Love happens. Its kinda boring but the msg that i got it went rite to my FACE! its all about MOVING ON!! How well i said that i actually had moved on but deep inside me i wasn't..maybe a bit. but still there a lil piece of me that not move on from what in my passed. In that movie..the HERO was told that he's the one who help people to move on and pronounce to others that he DID moved on from the confussion,the lost and the passed but the fact that at the end of the movie he reveal to all that its kind of HARD for him to MOVE ON even though he tried his best!! i second that...hell second that!!!been there and done that.But yeah..his stories and my stories are different. he kind of got a happy ending( cos its in da movie i guess)..but for me...i'm still searching for one Happy ending but i don't seems it coming to me now.......perhap later soon...hopefully..

Ok! back on track...after movie..i went home. Then kena culik with a same people to GENTING!!yehaaaaaa.....i cant really remembered quite well what we did over there...but it was FUN! The most that i can remembered was i played a psychology games at OLD TOWN Genting! thats the part i remembered most. seriously it was Fun, Funny and hillarious!!!hahahaaha..well i guess i must be pretty tired last nite that i'm not in da middle of my own COntrol. Been sleeping for 3 -4 hours a day...lately he came back to my mind...gosh! i know i could lives like this ...and i dont want to...........i believes the time will come..

Sunday, December 6, 2009

my song...

Almost Lover.

Lately i find myself trapped in my own confusion. I felt really empty without Love even thou i know there are lots of love to gives. I felt lost. The images of the one i used to loved always keep coming to my mind now and then......Is this what we call love? i dont know..and i dont really understand how this feeling goes...Seriously, i've lots of things store in my freaking head and i dont wanna mess myself with this stuffs and crazy emotion that runs thro me.

I am happy as i'm today. To look few months back, i can say i built up myself slowly..trying so hard to always stay positive and keep the memories locked up far away from me. But and then there's still a rrom for me to miss him....i can't deny it. How could i fall for someone that wasn't mine anymore...He called me once in a while just to check on me. I tot i can handle it...but when ever i heard his voice over the phone, it breaks my heart bit by bit. Crashing that make me almost cry. How i miss him so to him on da phone for long hours..hear his stories..make fun of him...fighting and stuffs..How i wish he could hear my tiny lil heart singing a love song just for him....And how i truely wish i could meet him again...Really waiting for him to actually invite me out...atleast for a drink or something. i guess..its just a hopeless dream......

Good bye my Almost Lover...Good Bye my Hopeless dream T_T

(the cut in my heart is too deep to be leave a scar that makes me become more heartless each day..........)