I'm feeling so ALIVE!!

Alhamdulillah...everythings over in a way that i wanted to. I just got back from CAREFREE QUEEN competition held in Crown Plaza Hotel,KL. Somehow i look back what i had been through is so colorful. Me myself feels with so much love surround me and i'm so blessed. I really am. Its all started when i actually wanted to send my own personal Video for a competition. I knew that the video gonna be a big hit! and i can say...IT IS!! For this i just wanna thanks to my groupies who had turn out tonite to celebrate the enjoying awards nite with me. We deserved the appreciation..the good feedback and of course the amazing impression own our art works!! and i'm so thankful that we are in one group..after all what we went through last time ..at last berbaloi gak!! hehehe...deeep inside my heart i know that this video will go somewhere...and BOOMMM!! there u go...we WON!!! damn girl....i felt really like superstar..with all flash lights on me..NON STOP! makes me feel great and enjoy every moment of the flash and spot lights! its all about glamarous...and hell yeah..not that easy being a superstar i guess...reporters keep runnin to us non stop..questioning and taking photos. I need to make my self in the centre of my own control so i wont slipped any harsh or sensetive words that might make certain party unconfartable with. I'm glad everything runs pretty awesome to me..did it very casually as i always did:)

There are so many congrats wishes to me that nite and all i gave back was THANK YOU SO MUCH and a smile to all that had supported me all this while...felt that i'm winning an oscar or something..but yeah....it some sort like that kind of feeling,thou.haha. The most memorable wishes came from my lovely sista saying....

Linda,
ur the Queen of my heart...4eva! U deserve to win and u won! Proud of u. Later we go celebrate with family. Take care and safe drive back home.

So...a drop of tears felt down..it touches my heart. I'm so blessed to have such a caring and lovely sista like her. She came down just to watched and honour my day. Well, to be frank with u sis, i dont even bother to win that nite...what i look for was just a getting together with fwens and family..i wanna know are all that i always rely on are truly the one who always support me from behind and be there for me no matter what....and obviously u guys did proved it rite. THANK YOU..MUCH THANK YOU. Well..its a long way to go...and much more to learn in life. Cross my finger wishing nothing but the best for me, family and friends to success.
Amin!

Black and WHITE photo contest!!

Hey you all...A blogger fwen of mine just create a photo contest! so...i'm sO positively wanna Join..suka-suki je. Support her contest as i always have a heart for photography;) if u wanna know more bout the contest just click on this LINK

This is my personal portret in Black and White:) oh yead..the meaning is deep only my self and the one who can see the inner shadow of me knows what i'm trying to tell in this photo of mine. A smile that tells a clueless massage.....

Finally i have my own time. Long back then..for couples of week i've been dreaming to have my own personal weekend. Say NO to DATING! pause that trendy dating in my life for a while.. its time to focus on what i want. Probably a lil room for my self and friends would help. So, today..i'm proadly announce that i'm at home. lying on my bed i think for abhout half a day..well..might sounds boring to all but trust me..I'm loving it!! so much in fact. Lying and watching some good movies are something i usually do in spending my own time. My phone been off and there you go...feeling great the whole day. Till i open my phone back...and there goes lots off messages...Oh nO! but well..thats life..people get connected!

Last week i pampered my self with a SPA treatment then going outing with fwens to Berjaya Hills (we wanted to go to Frasser hill but turn to berjaya hills instead.lol). I did my SPA at Sembunyi Spa, Cyberjaya together with Wani. Never had a good company like what i got with that girl. Lots of girl talks been done and yeah of course there a il bit touching stories as well. Personal and stuffs. Its totally a good SPA package with a good company. After Spa..i wend to for an outing with my CLOSE FWEN..Ai,Azry,Reena and Arip. 2 girls and 3 guys...:) and yes there's one more room for a girl where i supposed it belongs to our dearest DURA. damN! we missed u we can say....Aijust got his NEW BRAND SLR CAMERA..and so he officially out from CANON gank with me. He change to NIKKON to join Azry. They both was really eager to go outing taking photography. So here came in da picture to give them a hand on photography skills and anything that i've learn about it. With and open arms..i LOVE too=) As i look at both of them, i can see they were so excited to discover the photography world. It create a sweet touching moments in my heart. I used to have that eagerness in meself. Feeling great taking photos of beautiful nature and creatures. Its a moment of satisfaction. I did taught them something i learned in my past in handling cameras and models. Guess what...me and reena are their model;) hehee....i couldn't deny it, i just love working in front of camera as much as i did behind the camera=) I even gave Ai a chance to explore modelling photography as wani wanted me to be her photographer for her and her sis's boutique. But i end up to be their model instead..and i direct Ai to be the photographer:) absolutely a Fantastic photos,thou!

And Yesterday...we went for outing as well...ok..let me rewind lil bit back..i went out for a movie to watch Love happens. Its kinda boring but the msg that i got it went rite to my FACE! its all about MOVING ON!! How well i said that i actually had moved on but deep inside me i wasn't..maybe a bit. but still there a lil piece of me that not move on from what in my passed. In that movie..the HERO was told that he's the one who help people to move on and pronounce to others that he DID moved on from the confussion,the lost and the passed but the fact that at the end of the movie he reveal to all that its kind of HARD for him to MOVE ON even though he tried his best!! i second that...hell second that!!!been there and done that.But yeah..his stories and my stories are different. he kind of got a happy ending( cos its in da movie i guess)..but for me...i'm still searching for one Happy ending but i don't seems it coming to me now.......perhap later soon...hopefully..

Ok! back on track...after movie..i went home. Then kena culik with a same people to GENTING!!yehaaaaaa.....i cant really remembered quite well what we did over there...but it was FUN! The most that i can remembered was i played a psychology games at OLD TOWN Genting! thats the part i remembered most. seriously it was Fun, Funny and hillarious!!!hahahaaha..well i guess i must be pretty tired last nite that i'm not in da middle of my own COntrol. Been sleeping for 3 -4 hours a day...lately he came back to my mind...gosh! i know i could lives like this ...and i dont want to...........i believes the time will come..

my song...

Almost Lover.

Lately i find myself trapped in my own confusion. I felt really empty without Love even thou i know there are lots of love to gives. I felt lost. The images of the one i used to loved always keep coming to my mind now and then......Is this what we call love? i dont know..and i dont really understand how this feeling goes...Seriously, i've lots of things store in my freaking head and i dont wanna mess myself with this stuffs and crazy emotion that runs thro me.

I am happy as i'm today. To look few months back, i can say i built up myself slowly..trying so hard to always stay positive and keep the memories locked up far away from me. But yes..now and then there's still a rrom for me to miss him....i can't deny it. How could i fall for someone that wasn't mine anymore...He called me once in a while just to check on me. I tot i can handle it...but when ever i heard his voice over the phone, it breaks my heart bit by bit. Crashing that make me almost cry. How i miss him so much...talk to him on da phone for long hours..hear his stories..make fun of him...fighting and stuffs..How i wish he could hear my tiny lil heart singing a love song just for him....And how i truely wish i could meet him again...Really waiting for him to actually invite me out...atleast for a drink or something. i guess..its just a hopeless dream......

Good bye my Almost Lover...Good Bye my Hopeless dream T_T

(the cut in my heart is too deep to be told..it leave a scar that makes me become more heartless each day..........)

Moody Sunday....

How can i tell bout my lame moody Sunday. I was MUCH happier yesterday..and i don't know somehow something turn off my bubbly and cheerful Sunday! Everything and everybody put a blame on me...and i felt i'm so fucking useless!! why why why?? i just need some support and appreciation from others but all they can see is my mistakes? while i'm always giving supports to others in whatever they do..not letting them down..not even once !... Sometimes i even ask my self, why should i be nice to people who always notice my mistakes rather than the good things i did? Is it hard to say Thank YOu or give some positive supports? i aint not need any money for god sake! u got nothing to loose nway...

There's only lil misunderstanding than leads to a MAJOR disaster! but please do remember than i'm trying my best here..put so many effort to make this happen as much as want to see all my friends happy. If what in the return i get is just bad points for u guys..i guess there's no room i can be trusted ever in your heart....T_T

The carefreequeen=)

Heyoooo peopleee.....well..this is it! Finally i get a platform to enter a competition where i can submit my very own Video Clip:) This vedio was done 3 yrs ago...and Never Ever been published on youtube or any media based....As a team, all members agreed not to published or to spread around but yeah..guess its about time we should enter competition. I know its kind of lousy video...but atleast we tried to came out with such a conceptual music video...better than the original video;) ....i think so la...haha

So, here i'm sooooOOo soOooo please if u guys out there think that our video deserve to win, do vote by clicking the below image...and i know u can see the navigation called 'UNDILAH SAYA'..hurry!! just one click and BoOommm....God Bless you FOREVER!:) heee...

and good luck fopr others...u guys been so great and confident bout yourself...thats why we are in this competition..:)

You is You...I am ME!

I am Me. In all parts of the world, there is no one else exactly like me. Everything that comes out of me is authentically mine, because I alone chose it . I own everything about me: my body, my feelings, my mouth, my voice, all my actions, whether they be to others or myself. I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears. I own my triumphs and successes, all my failures and mistakes. Because I own all of me, I can become intimately acquainted with me.

By doing so, I can love me and be friendly with all my parts. I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other aspects that I do not know but as long as I am friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously and hopefully look for solutions to the puzzles and ways to find out more about me. How I look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever I think and feel at a given moment in time is an authentically me. If later some parts of how I looked, sounded, thought, and felt turn out to be unfitting, I can discard that which is unfitting, keep the rest, and invent something new for that which I discarded. I can see, hear, feel, think, say, and do. I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive, and to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside of me. I own me, and therefore, I can engineer me. I am me, and I am good about my self.

So my dear friends... Love Yourself First then start to spread some to others ;) hugs!~