Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Countdown come to an end...

SubahannAllah.... The countdown all this while that i've been hold to soon gonna come to an end. This is it, Linda, its just you and God after this. The time i've been waiting for all this while..alhamdulillah~ Maka, tinggal lah segala pekara duniawiku atas ape yang aku putuskan slama ini untuk just focus and berserah kepada yang Satu.

Ya Allah, Sesungguhnya Engkau mengetahui rahsiaku. 
Maka, terimalah permohonan maafku ini. 
Engkau mengetahui apa-apa yang ada dalam jiwaku, ampunilah dosa-dosaku. 
Engkau mengetahui keinginan & keperluanku, maka penuhilah permintaan ku ini. 
Aku juga merelakan atas apa-apa yang telah Engkau putuskan bagi ku,
Sesungguhnya aku adalah hamba Mu yang lemah dan tiada Tuhan yang layak disembah melain kan Mu, 
Ya Allah
Dan Nabi Muhammad itu adalah pesuruh Mu.

Saturday, March 17, 2012

The official new Me...

The ultimate civilization

One had said few days ago that i've come to the highest ranking of civilization. I try to think deeply again on his phrase but i couldn't get it rite. And so he started to talked. Every women are beautiful in man's eyes, he believed. But there are certain of them who actually sees the true beauty of a women. To captured back a year ago when i met this man, for me he's like a father who always gave me good motivation regardless on work stuffs or even life. But now, he was so surprised to meet me in a totally changed personality. Then question begin to pop up...with a slight positives respond at 1st..as usual.. 'you look sweet and amazing'...Alhamdulillah So well civilized!, he begin~ 

talking from a father point of view, he said that every girl as their own story behind themselves. Its depends on a girl how they actually take it one story towards her kinda life. And he bet i experienced a lot of things in order me to become me as he sees me right now. Seriously, all this while, i really need a man as a father to speak with, it different to be raised up all alone by a mom who is actually my mother and at the same time being a dad to me. Its a tough job,thou..but with all patient Alhamdulillah, my mom i can say is a real patient lady i ever met. 

He began he inspirational story telling me how civilized i am..it is because as we see the progress of man kind- from Our 1st great2 grandfather, Nabi Adam, he was a man felt down from heaven together with Eve without any clothes. Slowly, they learn about life and slowly started to close all their censored and sensitive part.Civilization in mankind comes to the ultimate when they know how to value themselves. And so he mentioned..' from the 1st time i met you when you did the presentation, u look like a well presentable lady. and now you complete your value puzzle as a TRUE LADY by choosing to lead your way to a whole new world. Completely a best path you are taking and you are at the peak of well civilized for a Muslim girl.' 

wow!woww! i'm so touched and feels like my late dad who actually gave me that kinda quotes. and so i replied....Alhamdulillah~ i'm brave enuff to just take this good chances and opportunity..and i bet if we actually know what we want in this life with the guidance of God, nothing is impossible to us. 


approximately another 58hours more for me to UMRAH... meaning lagi 2 hari lagiii...wahh...couldn't believe it. The feeling is totally different. Alhamdulillah...i met few of my friends, clients and family members just to say sorry and pray the best for me to go and come back safely~ i rally loves to share something miracle happen to me for the past few days...let me start with one morning when i woke up i felt so semangat to go to gym..so i went to my gym at 7am during weekdays...(i've plan to go to work slightly late during that day) haha....that practicular day was my 3rd day wearing hijab 'officially'. I was thinking could i just open my hijab when i'm doing my exercise...to know that i seriously donno how adapt wt it yet. The question been playing in my mind for few minute on my way to my Gym. So, i was saying to myself, 'if the last traffic light turn red, i most probably gonna take out my hijab at the gym.' PooFF! there the traffic light turn RED rite before i make a turn and so i STOP. without a bit of rasa jangkal and bersalah..i open up my hijab while waiting for the traffic light to turn Green. GOSH!! now i sound so stupid! how can i rely on traffic light to do such thing..hahaa~

deep down in my heart i feel so bersalah towards myself..but i try to denied it. And i know, i'm sooOOoo not go lying to myself. Kalau nak di ikutkan...i can just lie to anybody je..its a simple thing to do...but seriously when it comes to myself and someone i trust...my heart cant deny it. Being truthful to myself its some how my 1st policy of LIFE. So, as i got in front of the gym, as usual i took a side parking, slowly i enter it with Bismillah~ Suddently, "KedeBUsShh"! aiiyakk...i accidentally hit the divider...hmm...normal thing for woman's driver!lol. so after i parked my car, i went down to see on my front bumper. Skali, datang la one of the gym guy, saying ..'i rasa tayar u pecah cos u hit on the sharp angle' ...im like..WHATTTTT????i was lilke.. mana2...and so we went down rite on my wheel...Astafirullah~ there goes my new Tyre.... :( x sampai 2 weeks lagi tayar dh pecah.....as i think back, it all my mistake. We have a choice in life to either choose the good or the bad ones...but fitrah manusia, slaloo je tgk pada kesenangan. And i actually did that...choose to take out my hijab rather than membiasakan ia berada on my head and choose to park rite infront of the door steps(side parking) rather than a normal parking space. aish~ eat that Linda.....! well, mistakes by mistakes i take it as a learning process in life for me to become more wiser. InsyAllah....

Then, i met my clients...PROTON at their function- Proton Power of One! They all are so surprised to see me wt Hijjab! tadaaaaaa~ Impressed on my new personality. And all of them mainly abg2 la..saying that ' are you getting marry soon??' ..oh! that question really surprise me! why does people always think that if we suddenly change from not wearing hijjab to wear hijjab is always a sign of getting marry? aiyooo...let me speak frankly, it is all about myself. Maybe my path to Umrah have somehow open my heart to do sumthing beyond my acknowledgement and expectation. This is sumthing real about me perhaps, changing slowly into my new world...let me adapt with it slowly on my own effort. But yeah..i did clarified to all abg2 proton..~ serious i'm like having a press conference with them where they all actually bought so many food as they know that i'll be coming over to that event. hahaha...and there goes lotsa questions pertaining to marriage and what so ever..as usual, lying + hoping is my kinda thing to do so......God gimme strength to face all this obstacles ~ hadapi dengan tabah! hehee...plus, they all actually inspired me in someways.. *tWo thumBs Up* yay!

well...More to come for me in the days to come......put aside what been holding me at the back of my head, cos all i wanna focus is the upcoming day for my Umrah to be Sempurna as it could be~ InsyAallah.... :)

Thursday, March 15, 2012

my bandung trip...media workshop 2012

march 1st till 4th was the new media worshop held in bandung by maccom. it was a superb opportunities for me to explore more into new media world. thanks to redberry for sending me as their media representative. awesome! Besides i got good exposure...i can say i hv my own time shopping. its soooo madness..crazy and fun! Haha..

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Words from Doctor Amar

Today i went to get a jap from Doctor Amar. This doctor been introduced to me by my girl friend as i wanted to meet her best doctor. hehe. So, went down to Melawati before heading to Putrajaya for meeting. Guess what...This is the 1st time i passed out cos of taking a jap. I'm like..helloo..whats wrong with me? I'm used to this kinda treatment..well..hospital those days are just like my 2nd house. maybe cos i had only a warm water in the morning ..not taking anything for breakfast. Or most probably my girlfwen frighten me out and all i know my mind been psycho-ed! haha... i asked doctor to give me a hormone injection as i need to slowdown my period cycle cos of Umrah. well...this is one of the way where female normally do if they really want to praise the Almighty. But..obviously kite merancang tuhan menentukan segala nyer~ atleast i do sumthing bout it~ hee

Doctor asked me lay down on the bed for my blood to run as normal as it could to the brain. Seriously, i felt really sleepy and the whole body felt really weak~ in my mind the last word i can remember was...lahilaahillah....zZzzzz....3 minutes gone and "keEPoOmmm!" i'm back as normal...haha! doctor said i was way toooo relax and mind as manipulate everything till not enuff oxygen to my brain. aww~

then Doctor took me and my friend for a drink near his clinic. and so....the story begin......

He was most likely an Indian doctor who practically married to a new zealand lady which 80% of his life been speading in new zealand. But cos of his heart and legacy belongs here in Malaysia, he loves serving this wonderful and peacful country being a doctor. He knows that i'll be going to Umrah next week and he said i should thankful because i've been given a sign of invitation to the holy place. In my heart i was saying..."doctor ni cam dia interested je nk gi Mekkah...sure x ley sbb dia indian christian.'hehe. Well..basically what he was trying to say that our soul is connected to the One, the Great creator regardless in what religion we are into, if we have believes in One Creator that means we are in a correct path of life. Our body carry a soul..body is just a temporary period or stage to a mankind. What last forever is our SOUL. so, in another words, we should develop our inner soul for us to get granted in another world. As far as i'm concern, mankind actually more focusing on the outer look..well to be truthful..manusia ni tau nak benda yg bersandarkan duniawi.....DANG! at that moment i was saying to myself....<<<>>>> *weird*

he seek for his inner piece by developing his soul  with believes, trust and connection to God. And to be honest this exactly what i'm actually doing at this kinda moment. This lil feeling just wanna get rid of invaluable and uncertainty whereby me, myself and i has decided to just go and praise my Only God and be thankful for giving me another chances day by day in this temporary world.  there are a lot more he wanted to share but he said he'll continue on my next visits...(if there's any la)...and he kind of welcome my own experience and stories back from 'tanah suci Mekkah' ........ will see how.....( i'm more to a reserved person lately...in another words ..less talking)

======================To Be Continue=================================


One nite i dream about being a good dancer or performer where i can express my joy, sadness, and fun thro performing arts. But as i wake up on a reality world, its all about choices. We actually create our on path which i can say it leads to our own destiny. I come do my ultimate of serendipity~ which i would i like to say that i've done enuff and at this particular moment i will rather giving back to the world and slowly make my way towards another world. I mean...not to say that i'm dying soon but keep it real..we never know when is our time..it can be soon or later. the PREPARATION and force alarm had ring me twice and probably this is it~

Changing to sumthing better somehow create a positive vibes or aura around me. And i love to spread around loves and positive impact which it someone will return to u with such blessings. aww~ sounds that easy rite if i just type it all out...but yeah..i couldn't say much here i hope that u all out there who actually rad this can feel the same way that i feel...seriously is all different now...glad that i come to a point of being truthful to myself not to say that all this while i'm not but what i mean is being as truthful and honest in my words, behaviors and actions. hee...hopefully~

nah..this is the look of ambitious so called Muslimah..well...i'm trying or let me put as...going to the most ultimate changes in me:) tadaaaa...

Alhamdulillah~ feel very comfort and reserved for now...hee

Monday, March 12, 2012

oh Nooo again~

Dear Allah,

If i could just ask, would i ever face a happy ending in my relationship? It seems pretty confusing at certain time and sometimes i can feel its at the peak of happiness. What should i do in searching for happiness? No matter how hard i try to face it, man kind is always be mankind.....without fail in doing mistakes over and over again~ SubahannAllah... with much regret i will always pray for a better Me in order for me to achieve my ultimate happiness and to be loved sincerely~

 Deep inside my heart there are still strong believes and patient towards the uncertainty but one thing for sure i will remain inside me is Your guidance to just 'Berserah'. I know You will always have a better plan for the one who believes and be Your truthful follower.

p/s: Pls Make my tears worth for the one who actually owns it~

Hamba-Mu yang lemah

Friday, March 9, 2012

seeing him after 2 weeks~

hee..just wanna express that how bad i actually missing my other half~ sounds pathetic rite? but u know..this is what we call girls behavior. my last time seeing him before i go for my Umrah. yehaa!~

My mind is always curious about
the way things might have been.
As days go by and time goes by,
I look back once again.

All the time I held you in my arms,
I had the whole world right there.
There you were, comforting me with
all of your charms.

It's funny, all those little things
I never thought I'd miss,
Like all those conversations we had,
or the first time we talked

I guess that what I'm trying to say,
is I miss and love you more each day!
It hurts me not to see you,
or not to know if you're ok.

I want you to understand
that I loved you from the start.
And I want you to know,
no matter how many miles
we may be apart,
you'll always hold a special place
in my heart.


Assalamualaikum.....Ya Allah...how do i begin this...First of all, Alhamdulillah my life pretty much are well plan as i wanted all this while. Ada rezeki lebih buat aku and keluarga yang membuatkan aku putus untuk ke Umrah tahun ni. Niat tuk ke tanah suci telah aku simpan sejak 2007 when i was given a 2nd chance to lives in this beautiful world. Now its the time when everything seems perfectly plan. Alhamdulillah.

Jauh disudut hati ini, ada keinginan mahu mencari pengertian hidup sebenar...dan disitu terlahirlah rasa ingin mencuba sesuatu yang baru and looking at very different angles in every situation from anyone else. People seems to said that i'm always positives...and some think i'm weird. Whatever people say it doesnt really matters at all to me...yang penting diri aku, org2 yang menyangi diri kerdil aku ini tahu dan believes in whatever i wanna do.

Lagi 1 week i will be flying mengerjakan umrah. Yes..it something that i want all this while. Selama ini, aku tunduk sujud menangis kepada-Nya just meminta agak dipermudahkan jalan hidup aku dengan Rahmat-Nya. And now pintu hati ini bagai dibuka dengan aman akan kehadiran aku ke tanah suci. Pelan2 aku memperbetulkan diri aku dari masa ke semasa. Its like something awaits me over the other side but in other me to get there, i need to know myself 1st and make myself well prepare. jawaban nyer.. BERHIJRAH!~

Nabi s.a.w. bersabda, "Orang yang sempurna Islamnya ialah orang yang kaum muslimin terselamat dari gangguan lisan dan tangannya dan orang yang berhijrah sebenarnya ialah orang yang meninggalkan apa yang dilarang oleh Allah". (HR Bukhari no 6484) 

Many of my friends see some changes in me..well i hope its positive changes and it will remain or perhaps getting even better. Not to say that i've such a horrible life before, but i believes every person had gone thro a dark phase of life. If you dont, its totally Alhamdulillah...remember with God wills everything is possible to a mankind. I'm glad and with an open mind accepted what ever i had been thro all this while which make me who i am today. For that, tidak ada penyesalan sedikit pon dlm diri ini malah dengan sikap rendah diri aku berani bangkitkan diri untuk terus bangun dan bersyukur atas ape yg dikurniakan. Thats practically life after all...Sekarang slowly aku berlajar berserah kepada-Nya..and yakin bahawa segala ape yg kita usaha InsyAllah akan di balas dengan kesenagan kelak...well..hopefully..hee.. but i gotta educate myself to be more honest and sincere in doing it. Like mama said, "Buatlah sesuatu kerja itu kerana Allah SWT'..cos to think back..mencari rezeki itu suatu Ibadat. :)" 

To those followers out there, lets us all give some room to ourself to "berhijrah' for a better. Bersihkan hati dulu dengan bykkan beristigfar.. insyAllah jalan hidup bisa dirahmati Allah SWT.

Nabi saw. bersabda,"Sesiapa yang selalu beristighfar, nescaya Allah akan menjadikan baginya kemudahan bagi setiap kesempitan, kesenangan bagi setiap kesedihan dan memberinya rezeki tanpa diduga olehnya". (HR Abu Daud)

And pls...doakan pemergian aku and keluarga ke Tanah Suci lebih dirahmati and diberkati oleh doa2 kalian smua. Hopefully segala nya berjalan dengan lancar and pasti nya aku akan mendoakan yg terbaik buat kalian smua. Yang bisa di doa tu aku pasti di tolong sampaikan..but ingat...Rahsia Tuhan always be..REZEKI dan JODOH and to get that kinda rezeki is your own USAHA :) 

this is my 1st try in getting ready for my Umrah~ :)