Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Jiwa kosong (empty soul)

Where should I begin? I've been looking for what I want in life till I figure out myself that I isn't very sure? Generally I want a happy life..but what leads to a happy life and what do have beyond it? I almost give up in finding the answer because the more I search for the answers the more I'll get confused and end up trapped in within all circumstances! To think back about my family, I'm so lucky to raise up in such a wonderful family...I'm so close to each and everyone of them. Its just that somehow...I mean lately life get lil rough and empty and certain point where I tend to feel there's a big empty hole in mylife. All of my family members, everyone have their own life to concentrate with...even me has my own freaking life. We all tend to loose the sense of closeness and attached in ourselves:( I don't blame anybody for what going on maybe its just me who I think as I grow up I become more sensitive in a sense of love,care and value of family & relationship.

Career wise I can say I'm so proud of myself to survive on my own in this so called cruel world. Everyday I'll make sure there's productivity in me...and I can see in a long run there's fortune waiting for me. If I can sustain what I'm doing rite now insyAllah it will shorten the route of my success and to a greater life that I've been dream of. I believes it will be easy if we isn't work by our own...isn't it? But well...what I've planned somehow doesn't seems to happen:( still I strongly get up and make every single things possible for me...even thou deep inside me always crashed n cry! T_T...only God knows what I'd been through. I always make myself think wisely and make sure I never ever complain what come across me. I might get this kind of life but maybe other even worst. So, I always appreciate what ever things that God had created for me. He loves me and that's why He send all the obstacles into mylife so I'll become more stronger and get the meaning of true human being.

What i want to express here is that i can earn lots of money by working on something that i'm good at and lives happily. We can search for money as much as we want and spent it like the whole world been made for us to enjoy the wealthiness! Travel with friends is a must for me as i love to discover different part of the world. I've been circle with a bunch of friends who is smart, generous, caring and adventurous. All of my qualities happen to be in my friends and that is why we all are really click and attached to each other in some ways. But something trigger me.......

what if.. its time for they to settle down?

am i gonna leave my life alone knowing that all this while i'm depending on family n friends?

Now let me stop all uncertainty that runs in my mind. Focus what my life is all about...knowing that there's no one yet to be specifically in my lonely heart. I've tried to serve and hold on to the love that been in me for quite sometimes but in the end I just realized that how much I believes there are love between me and the guy it just there and then...Unfortunately i always met a FULLSTOP. Aren't relationship not supposed to supposed to meet fullstop??i wonder*How much I cried I won't be able to get him back to me. For that I accept what kind of path God created for me..even thou its sickening but I always look at the bright side even its clear enuff said that there aren't any lights for me to be in a long relationship with someone! As for now...I sadly pronounce that I'm officially has an empty soul..... Success without 'LOVE' in our heart feel like we lives in a lonely world......

No comments:

Post a Comment