H.E

How one supposed to tell someone that she actually have feelings towards him all this while. I've known this guy way back then....he doesn't seem to be my type of guy back then. And we met again 2 years ago. We went out for a Dinner Date just once later then we happen to become close friends...hmm..like really really close. He always bullied me and i always teased him. He was in his own happening world while i'm a lil naive and a bit innocent back then. Look at his lifestyle make me just wanna be his friend..and not more than that. But now..if i happen to bumb into him, there's lil spark in me. I'm not really sure what kind of spark but i think its a crush. He always trigger my nerves out of it. ^_^ I tend to be lil bit shy when i look at him and when i start to speak and trying to act normal...i starts to lost all my words and end up mumbling. hmmm....even if he buzz me on Messenger. This feeling is crazy la.....i know that he's my crush and i think there's a lil love spark in me for him. But i way to denial about it..its just hard for me since he's my F.R.I.E.N.D. He will defiinetely think i'm crazy or something....but for me he's sooooo my type of husband materials. maybe cos i know him way tooo long i guess..

Well..let God decide what best for me. If God send him just to be my friend i'm fine with it...and if he meant to be as my future Husband, i'm more that happy. InsyAllah....hehehee ^_^ only person with a nice character package with a good family background r the only one who can buy my heart=) cos i aint no a typical materialistic girl..nah ah! no i"m not............

OMG! I'm seriously in an unwell state of mind!

what sould i begin with? I'm trapped in my own shadow that i don't even know who and what i wanna be actually??? Everything seems nice all this while...i enjoyed and blessed every minutes of my day working in a wonderful organisation. I really Love what i'm doing. The thing is i know its gonna be such a challenging year for me as our sales target is increasing almost 20% than last year..that mean..the PREASURE on me also will be MEGA HUGE! and its only half month of the year 2010~ i couldn't imagine how myself would turn up to at the end of the year. GOSH! Right now i'm trying to catch up what i had left behind and focus on the delevelment of the contents direction mainly for business purposes. There had been lots of changes in terms of my new placing in Media Prima, the direction of my work flows and most important ones is changing of communication! Up till now i can sense and see there slightly have a communication breakdown somewhere internally la..........but yeah....i just take things easily as usual. And now i feel like i wanna stand up and speak up!!!!! Because something happen 2day..if i dont speak up now it woould be a big freaking mess later on! Guess what i need to go through 120 slides in 1 nite to be confidently present to our client(agency) 2moro Morning at 9.30am!!! How am i supposed to that?? i will look fucking horrible and stupid 2moro...the fact that i just knew bout this whole thing 2 hours ago!arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...............!!!! that i come to realised back..is this kind of JOB that i really wanna be involve all this while?? to certain extend it does! i always wanted to be here..working in my own expertise field but not with this kind of communications surrounding! it making me SICK! and the worse thing is making me feel that i'm not goot at anything. Seriously i dont like this kind of shit. I belives i'm a kind of person with full intergrity..always stay positive in almost every situation and always wanted productivity in life each day. But a minor mistake in terms of communication can blow everything up!

Right now i donno who to blame and to be angry with. I dont wanna blame my self or even hate myself..i did that b4. Enuff of me scolding myself all this while just to pleased other people. I'm gonna hit that road 2moro..present as i know all the programs at my finger tips.And YES i will show that within a nite i manage to install what ever i can into my naturally high memory spead (my brain)!!!! fuh!!....lega skit dpt lepas kemarahan...........>_<.

Love spark!

I dont even know where to begin. From the first time we talked to each other on the phone i knew you were special in some way. And the first time we met, words cannot even explain. I was so nervous, untill i saw you. I actually hide and pretend as cool as i can be. It seemed natural, like we've known each other for years. yeah..we actually did but its way back then where we happen to just smile at each other. Truth is, its been just under 8 weeks. I never knew i could feel this strongly about someone this soon, but you've proved me wrong.

Its hard for me to tell you how i feel, because no one in my previous relationships has wanted that. Not that i know..And if they have, I've been afraid to tell them because i was too afraid of being hurt as much as i'm afraid of loosing. Please bare with me, I'm working on it. I will slowly be able to tell you how i feel or what i'm thinking. I read this quote today and it's made me think.

"The best way to love is to love like you've never been hurt".

That very quote fits my situation 100%. I keep dwelling on the past and what everyone else has done to me. After reading that i realized i cannot be with you and be happy and continue to dwell on what other guys have done to me. I'm seeing you now..I'm with you. Not them. I need to concentrate on making you happy. And letting you make me happy. Up till this point you've been different. I know you care for me and want to be with me. I am sorry I've doubted that. There has not been a moment in the last 8 weeks where i have doubted any feelings for you.

You walked into my life and totally turned it around. I was so depressed and torn up about what had happened to me in the last year or so. I was nearly ready to give up and stop believing. You gave me the hope that i needed to keep going on and strengthen my believes once again that there are still rooms in someone heart for me. I am so grateful for knowing and having you in my life as for now. I've been waiting on someone just like you walk into my life. Thanks for open up my lil tiny heart making a room to be loved and care once again.

One last thing that i really and wanted to tell this very someone but have not been able to bring myself to do so.....that i'm starting to fall for him each day..hmm...will wait for the right moment i guess..^_^

Sadar Aku...

Semakin hari aku merasakan masa mendewasakan kita. Tak kiralah dari segi fizikal atau mental..still kita semua akan melalui satu ruang yg dipanggil PERUBAHAN(CHANGES) dlm sadar atau pon tidak. Cuma satu je yg aku kurang pasti, untuk melalui process perubahan ni apa kita harus take it easy or look deep into it. Bagi seorang yg boleh dikatakan detail kayak aku ni...i will look in every aspects. Terdetik aku seketika hari ini yang semua orang akan melalui process perpisahan. Orang yg suatu hari idup bahagia in one happy family cam ne pon akan berpisah jua. Kitakan smua pastikan akan mati suatu hari nanti. Makanya..tu adalah perpisahan yg maha besar kita akan tempuh. Yang buat aku heran is what happen to the world now days. Berpisah dlm erti kata lain 'BREAK UP' in relationship. Ya ampun...ni suatu perkara yg aku rasa smua org dlm dunia ni akan rasain. KENA RASA br tau pahit manis nyer falling in love ni...and somehow benda2 cam ni bley buat kite stronger lg to face such a cruel world out there. Its all about challenge..and of course how dare u as human to actually involves with it!

Actually this weekend is such a sad weekend for my close friend..which somehow effects me more or less pretty sad gak la. She went through a hard time and at last she broke up with her BF. seriously..its a horrible things to happen in one life! I know how she felt right now....and i always lend an ears to my dearest friend when ever they wanna share their feelings or what not. The funny part was not just my girlfriend told me whats going on with her and her bf.. his ex bf also contacted me at the same time. I'm like a middle person who donno how,what and who to blamed and pampered! All i did was giving the same exact advised to both of them. I know both of them pretty much. We normally do stuffs 2gether even back when i've a bf. When i broke up..they both was the one cheer me up..give me faith to raised again. And i did. Now i guess its a pay back time...they really need me. So i here i'm trying my best as possible as i could to makes things easy for them. My dear Wani..i can feel such pain in you right now..u were all confused. but remember this..u did what u wanted all this while...and i believes that u'll become stronger each day to faced the real world back. Its just a matter of time to get back the happy and bubbly mood again in your life. And i'm as friend will always support from behind, give full happiness till you can freely walk by ya own again..just what u did to me the time when everything seems gloomy and dark. I still remembered, its a hard time for me back then to actually moved on after broke up..i faked myself that i'm strong but the fact that i always cried all alone in my bed room... when i look at you i can see the sadness in your eyes. its just that waiting for the tears to drop T_T you'll be just fine as much as your ex does. Dont worry too much. Me and others always there to be ya shoulders to cry own and even lend u an ears. Be strong and Be good. There much more colorful things awaits u..........And i cant wait to see the shinning smile on ya face once again....and a chicky playful face u always gave me when ever i teased u;) Here is my Last words..i'll pray nothing but the best for u and Tone as well..u guys are meant to be just for a lil while..but its all Gods will. If God says that he's the one for you so he is.....Love u both! alamak..wa x der la plak pic si wani ni ngan Tone...ada but kat dlm otak aku ni! hehe...so..below is my dearest Wani.......tgk la dia membuli aku time keja!hihihi.....

AJL Ke-24!

well well..what can i say..the day finally came! Anugerah Juara Lagu(AJL) is one of the BIG HIGHTLIGHT not only in media prima but also to the whole MALAYSIAN! What is so big about AJL? of course this is not just a simple award winning or some lousy singing competition..its all about expressing the REAL TALENT among the TALENTED 'ANAK2 SENI NEGARA' ok! And yes..every year TV3 definetely gonna come one with its BIG IDEA to make a REMARK in oneself..either watching it LIVE ON-AIR or LIVE at the Place it self! I knew it this very year, its gonna be a real BOOmMm and fantastic cos the time it been presenting in the TV3/TV9 sales meeting way back then..from the concept up to the objectives of the whole thing made me really earger wanna go for it. And YES..i EXPERIENCE IT MYSELF!! the most important of all...i experienced it with my close friends, Wani, Shara, Ainul, and Izni!!! They all look Mega stunning that very nite. Happy smile*

I had a HUGE experienced into a real colorful rhythm & Melody of various musics, LIVE in front of my EYES. All this while i'm the one who always been on stage with artist as a back up dancer. Let me share something here...The feeling being on stage is such a big DIFFERENT than being the who who watch it. I really had a good time dancing to the catchy sexy beat plus with such a slide impresive moves. fuhh..totally enjoyed my self to the max as if the stage is my own playground. One said to me that the best place in the world in being on the center stage! And its true. We can be anybody we want, still all who watch it will be entertained and most of all we been appreciated in what we are doing. Isn't life feel so nice when people have a sense of appreciation..and thats the only thing in myself that i felt really blessed and alive being on center stage! hehe...yet this time around i'm safely seated to witness the most happening Music Event, AJL! Well..i got 4 VIP TIXS!! I asked ain if she wanna join me to AJL..all she replied was..'YESSSSSSsssssssssssssssssssssssssss'! ok that means a BIG YES! hahaha...then started to text my gf, shara to invite her so called 'seeing someone'!LoL..and yeah..Izni also i did invited..but she happen to get her own tixs! i'm cool with it;)

My beautiful sayangness....

Izni + Ainul + Linda (we all dok blakang abg Ajai!!) LoL......me and my happening friend,shara

Cerita cam ne we all leh duduk blakang abg ajai actually panjang..and its totally DAMN FUNNY! well..i reserved it to my self and to those who happen to know the story la kan.hahahaha. Dah la sebaris ngan mamat gile sorank ni..Awal plus plak ngan si ainul kan...ada je benda pelik and funny dorank buat! but seriously i had SooOoOoOoooOo MUCH FUN!!

ready or..not?...

Cam ne ek if i tell that i'm in my very own confussion..hmmm..How can we know that someone is for us? damn! he showed the 'sign'...hope i didn't get it wrong la kan. Well actually..my parts of body respond to it but my heart and mind dont! better take it VERY VERY VERY VEWRYYYY slow.........after all.. there are lots of things i think i've to cacth up in this fasinating world. And let me stand on my vow..keep a good guys close to you, make good friend with a bad boys. And i believes i'm not that good innocent as much as i'm not that bad...i'm a decent girl i guess..haha. so, now and then i always pray that god send me someone who have this similarity as myself. Obviously..no matter what i can deal with that very someone... just need it to happen in da rite time. Hell no..i dont want same shitty prob in relationship coming to me again and again...its good enuff that i didn't even give up on LOVE!



Ok..the fact that actually i just wanna blog about what happen through out my day 2day!! I can say that..2day was the finest day for me.:) and i'm etremely happy bout it. Even thou early morning there are lots of works to be seattle urgently..but i'm pretty good to managed it. Despite of all the works..i'm still on my FREAKING FB..busy fighting with shara and sikin comments on OUR new YEAR PENANG VACATION!! hahaha...then suddenly i got a called from SHARA! asked me to go out for lunch with her! Straight away a Yes Yes Yes to me! Short and sharp msg replied i got from shara..'at lobby another 10min'! hahaha...knowing me and shara's style..we both always came out with last minutes unplan PLAN! So, i went la..'wani jom gi lunch ngan shara..kita kluar awal'! hahhaha...and obviously si mangkuk wani tu pon ikut je la kan...;)



so there we goes..3 of us having our lunch at TTDI! Si Shara ni order le set ala2 chinise..x padan kecik..nafsu makan bkn main BESAU! I had one of her set which is the Jasmine Tea..ummMm...thats so my choice of Tea! Shara ni saje nak menganjing aku dia pon panggil la abg waiter ni refilled kan Jasmine tea...so aku pe lg..oone shot la jasmine tea ni. then kali kedua nak mintak refilled shara menganjing plak abg waiter..ada ke patut dia soh letak the whole refilled Jag tu kat meja we all..hahahhaa. (we didn't noticed that actually that abg waiter listen to shara jokes)...lol. but later he came with 3 'beer glass' filled with Jasmine Tea! hahhahahahahaha.......apa lg kluar kan BB took pichas la out of it..'Happy our at this hour (1.30pm)'!....and i was like..yammmm SehhHHhh!!!....(all the chinese look at us!) hahahhahaha...

Mlm hari lagi besttttttttttttttttt!!! Ne yO yaw......best la.hehe. ^_^

Summarize of my 2009!!

To look back on my resolutions for year 2009..i guess i achieved most of it. Well, i stated something like this...

To excell on my career wise where i think i accomplished my vision to be in Media Prima top management group. Every now and then I always thank god for giving me changes and making myself stay stronger in facing the such a tough career. And of course i always pray to God that i will strike the best as i could to stay as productive as i could! Alhamdulillah...everything seems so great for me.

I happen to had such a great loving boyfriend. And how i felt blessed to be with him even thou just lil while. And my resolution was to be in relationship with him as long as i could....and dream to be with him FOREVER! but its a sad thing for me when all i wish and dream died half way.........

To be more responsible to my beloved FAMILY and friends. Alhamdulillah...i did everything pretty good. And they all noticed the changing in me. Thats a good start for me to develop myself in becoming more responsible and committed person in the future.

This abstract painting resembles my life in 2009!! There are so many colors happen through out the year but still i had to faced some obstacles in making my way to went through that colorful doors. There are so many ups and downs that i had been through. I believes its a thing that everyone went through as well. The different is what kind of thing we all face in our life and this depends on our surrounding and environment that we are in. No matter how hard i've to face..at the end of it i'll will always turn to my family seeking for advises and help:) and i always thankful that i've such a wonderful family!