Friday, February 18, 2011

Why you shouldn't reveal everything about yourself to your lover

When you’re getting to know each other and are in the initial stages of a budding relationship, it's best not to reveal everything about yourself to your lover. If you insist on telling him everything, even if your life is an open book, he might be bored because he already knows more than he probably needs to. It is always good for a relationship to retain a hint of mystery and to keep him guessing a bit. It is more fun to let him discover things for himself and gradually uncover your hidden depths, layer by layer.

If you have a few skeletons in your closet, and you choose to reveal them all in the beginning of the relationship when you’re still treading on uncertain ground, you run the risk of your partner backing off if he’s not comfortable with what you have disclosed. Once you are more settled into the relationship and if the situation presents itself, tell him only as much as you think he should know.

Trust and honesty is important for a relationship, so if he asks you certain pointed questions, don’t try and hide stuff. But you don’t have to tell him all the gory details, an abbreviated version will do. Being comfortable enough with your lover, to tell him the truth, also involves trusting him enough with your feelings and that he will not abuse this trust, or use whatever you tell him to get back at you someday, or throw it in your face.

If your lover is the jealous type or overly possessive, be wary of what you tell him about past relationships. If you think he can’t handle the information in a mature manner, tell him selectively whatever you think he can deal with. And if he doesn’t ask, don’t tell him at all.

Also, if you do discuss your past history with your lover, you don’t need to go into details about each and every past relationship you’ve ever had. He also doesn’t need to know statistics – how many boyfriends you’ve had, how many people you’ve slept with, how many live-in relationships you’ve had – unless you’re truly comfortable and want to discuss it. And unless it becomes a bone of contention, some things are best left in the past.

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